Diary of a Ghost-Streets of Tempe

A page from Diary of a Ghost 2020

I am an anomaly! In lots of ways. But in the homeless scene forsure. I have seemed to stick out like a sore thumb, if I am honest,  most of my life. Grabs attention for sure. But that is not always a good thing. As above/so below, always at work. There are no actions without reactions. Yin and yang working it out for balance.  I am not perfect.  And just as my good ideas can go far. When I have bad ones they can surpass me. It's a gift and a curse.  A line stolen from #Monk. 

It has taken me a minute to absorb what lay in front of me, from where I come from, plans (forever changing with new perspective). Being flexible (something that is needed on the streets), also something needed moving beyond them. You can't live in either world without using flexibility or you will break. 

So I sit here in wonderment. Really so speechless at what lay in front of me. Little pieces of your homes. Dispatched out to me. Because I shared my brokenness.  You read in awe, and in my pain. Somehow, through this, a common connection was felt. These connections are the very core of community.  The very base, foundation blocks, of what makes us all a (We) and not an I. As is the easiest path (of building ones self). Until we realize (I am, because we are), and that is not my fraise. Builds better growth on our own souls. It lifts up/makes whole. Our common brokenness. 

I sit here thinking on where I have been. All those honored to have met along the way. Those that set my heart on fire. Those that caused my soul to weep. Those that carried me when my days were long. And you who choose to just tag along. 

I am blessed. 

I have been asked to share a piece of my story.  Which will bring the city good political gain. Because my story is unique, the cover clean, of which I am ok with. Because my story is not my own. I gave/shared, and wrote willingly.  So those that are in hiding. Will be clearly seen. The good and the bad. Weighed evenly. 

But really my story, is the story of us all. As covid-19 hit. City shutting down. In these times of huge city catastrophic closures.  The residents are called to step up. Most do without even a thought. But this time, as a pandemic loomed, all residents where also told to shelter in place. What could you do but sit and wait. 

This was an awful hardship for those that (part of their life is lived in service) and in a great time of need. Are told stay at home. Not service. 

I am now gaining more readership.  Because this is a real issue. As most of you, in services, know us by name. Unable to know, we are ok, or what do we need. How can we get that to you. 

You stepped up in droves. Watched and listened.  For weeks and weeks. As the whole country seemed to shut down. 

You read what the effect, having no cars on the road,  had on me. What it was like to have passer byers, being only the homeless, no other ppl to see. What it felt like to use cash for water or food stamps because all good water sources had been closed down. How awesome it was when #HopeOutReach opened showers to us. And the great sadness I felt (with only 20 or so seats opened at CaHill cooling center. With almost zero advertising as to its opening. Or what it was like (feeling like zoo animal) as the city opened up. To find the homeless on their local corners. Looking on at us. Asking why we chose to shelter in place (out in their space), in their face. 

All along, though, there you were. Waiting on the sidelines. To bring your meals back to this or that place. Searching for a ppl, that for a while had skipped off without a trace. Slowly we came back. Also looking for your faces. Because community is so vital. A balancing of heart. Is what we are together for.  We all make a better us. That is why (I am, because we are) is so true. 

When I began to write as covid-19 was and still is taking place. A bigger picture of humanity.  Opened up to me. And what do we do when forced to not take part. And does this forced separation (bring us closer or further apart). My guess at the beginning (totally force us further apart). But in the end. The quite opposite is true. We are so much closer. Thru this,  a shared sufferng, with hands tied. Being forced to do something.  That is not in our human nature to do. To do nothing! What! 

I am the anomaly in all this. A kind of unseen glue.  Because I opened up freely, a hidden world, that is always out in clear view. Gave my understanding to it. Hoping you would want to journey through it with me. Which I know was a hard ask. I know it was a selfish ask. Because I am asking you to see us through our most troubled time. Mostly mine. Which can be painful. Yet you held my hand. I am, because we are. Community. That takes me and you. 

Anomaly, an enigma because I am not more worthy then the next. Yet I sit here looking at all you have given me. In wisdom and sum. Having more then most will have coming in to home, and in the receiving of pieces of each of you. 

I could not have done this without Hope Outreach.  I refer ppl to them all the time. They should probably get a raise (as my referrals are out of their job titles). But yet time and again (if able to will step up and work something even though they don't have to) they do. And it's a high turn over business (the business of serving humans) because it is heartbreaking and taxing on the spirit.  But yet here they are working it.  So a big shot out to Nikki, and her team (Kelly, Amanda, and Gino) plus the many more I don't even know. Seriously "A Big Raise! 

So before I go off on this new adventure in humanity's and politics.  I want you to remember it is because of you, the community,  that has brought me this far. With all these stunningly beautiful things given me. I sit here now. Within weeks of being housed. With a home and not four blank white walls. Which is awesome (four white walls). Please don't get me wrong. 

It is really important for me to state "this is not the norm"! Most walk in with nothing. Having lost all pieces of their life to the streets.  Having lost pieces of themselves to the streets.  Having lost all family and friends to the streets. Having lost all means to pick themselves up (completely on their own) let alone put a life back together. A lot of those without a home, get housed having no income, and may never be able to get one. Some have little income and will never be able to move beyond their circumstances.  The list goes on. 

So as I sit (knowing full well my privilege). Of having community on my side. I ponder on a new ask. I will starting a page (Streets of Tempe Community giving page. This page (still in thought) will be a way for those with items, the community would like to share, and those that are being housed (can build a home together). Which makes the transition of 2 and 1/2 years or more on the streets easier. Helps one to know (we want you here, we are here to wrap community around you). Helps ppl want to be invested in accountability and taking part in an otherwise (could be scary new environment). This will be a Tempe community page to give to those that are being vouchered from Tempe. I also will be giving part of my check each month to Hope Outreach (for the purpose of motel rooms for those that are transitioning into a home). This is so important,  I have come to realize. A another way to help bring the mind back to self, away from the streets. Decompress for a minute.  Because staying housed is hard. When that is where you community has been built.  Also, from time to time there is an expecting mom out here. Most times, if housing can't be found, the baby is being forced up for adoption.  I think that mom needs a few days. A motel stay will give this new mother and the loss being unable to raise her baby.  Some time to regroup that loss. On top of all that is already lost to the streets. 

So, these are the things I ponder. As I sit here, very privileged/blessed. As my face will be used to move forward the issue. Please remember I am the abnormal one. 

Because, I opened up, in ways most would never do. And rightfully so. When all else is on full display.  As homelessness is already painful enough. 

I am the exception. That is only because I have you. Community!